the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
