put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize