I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
