I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
