and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
