I wish I could teleport
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
