I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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