I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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