if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
