I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
