there's paper in my vomit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
