I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
