I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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