Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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