He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
