She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
