the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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