i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
