Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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