Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
