mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
