I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
