How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
