The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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