I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
