how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
