Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
