I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
