I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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