I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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