I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
