Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
