i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
