wakey wakey hands off snakey
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
