You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
