I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
