Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
