omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
