Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
