Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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