and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
