Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
