I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
