So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
