Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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