I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
