there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
