just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize