just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
