I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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