piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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