You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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