I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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