I cannot find my penis.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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