We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
