The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
