I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
