New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize