It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
