road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
