Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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