No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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