I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
