i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
