I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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