My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
