if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
