Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
