at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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