mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
