I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
