ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
