thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
