Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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